Revelation

It’s that usual time wherein people take to social media to recount their thoughts on the year as the countdown for the close begins. 2019 in particular, is significant because it marks not just the end of another year but a decade. The year itself has been eventful for a number of reasons, mainly surrounding the chaotic political climate ( but that’s a discussion for another time).

Nevertheless, we are a society that tends to talk about ourselves, our own lives. This includes what we have accomplished, what we have missed out on, fond memories, and regrets. Those who know me know that I’m quite active on Twitter and I came across a tweet where the person asserted the realization that they would be leaving the decade as they started: single. This of course, had many likes and retweets as I’m sure many can relate. I certainly can. Normally, this realization that the universe kindly reminded me of would bother me. For a brief moment, it did. Then, I began to think upon the word “decade” and all that has occurred in my own, little world. It was then that I stumbled upon another realization. I’m not leaving the decade as I started.

I’ve grown, I’ve changed, I’ve learned. I started the decade as an unsure, uninspired student who had no real idea of what I wanted to do with my life. I’m leaving with a Bachelors Degree and close to obtaining my Masters, with a 4.0 GPA to boot. I experienced several jobs that I hated. I’m now on my way to my achieving my career goals. I started out as reserved girl who used to think that I was boring because I didn’t like like to party. I’m leaving with having tried things out of my comfort zone and discovered new interests as well as some new boundaries. I’ve traveled. I swam with dolphins, saw pyramids, walked on foreign beaches. I started with wanting a tattoo more than anything. I now have four. I wanted to go to concerts too expensive and too wild in the opinions of my parents. I’ve crowd surfed, been in the front row center, and got to meet one of my favorite bands backstage. I was left behind by a massive group of friends who didn’t think I was good enough to associate with anymore. I now have a small but tight circle who I’m incredibly grateful for. I used to fight with my mother almost daily. We now have an open and wonderful relationship. I started out not making my opinions known because I was told that my opinions didn’t matter. I’ve now been to rallies and protests where I was loud about my opinions. I only wrote poems now and then because I felt like they were lame and not worth sharing. I’ve written over 100 poems in just the past two years and working on co-publishing a book. I was a confused, mainly closeted girl. I’m now openly bisexual. I battled an eating disorder. I now accept that my body is not perfect but I’m comfortable with it anyway. I only had one boyfriend in high school and dated few after. I was cheated, emotionally abused and left heartbroken. I’ve learned from those experiences and have moved on. I’ve battled with suicidal thoughts. If I had given into those thoughts, I may not be here today. Now, I’m two years away from thirty. I now have my little brother and sister to live for.

I don’t know what the new decade will bring for me. I know there will be highs and lows. I know that there will be days where I’m going to want to give up. But that’s okay. Because I’ll pick myself up and keep going. I started the decade not liking myself. I’m leaving knowing that I’m a smart, strong, caring, loyal, passionate and pretty damn cute human being. I like me. And that revelation is amazing.

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